RESPOND:LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS
I WAS ON MY WAY HOME, COMING FROM A WAKE OF A FRIEND AND WAS HAVING THOUGHTS OF POSTING SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT I FELT ABOUT HIS SUDDEN PASSING WHEN I RECEIVED A MESSAGE FROM GARY, TELLING ME THAT HE HAD POSTED A NEW BLOG. I IMMEDIATELY REPLIED SAYING THAT I AM QUITE EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HE WROTE. I JUST READ IT AT THIS TIME AND THIS POST WOULD BE MY ANSWER TO IT. I DO APPRECIATE GARY'S HONESTY AND I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST WHAT HE FEELS AND HIS THOUGHTS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS....* I MISS HIM SO MUCH AS WELL AND IT IS QUITE HARD TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE AND CARE FOR HIM WHEN HE'S THERE AND I'M HERE.YES, WE DO GET TO TALK ABOUT IT, WE DO GET TO SAY THOSE 3 BEAUTIFUL WORDS TO EACH OTHER BUT IT'S STILL MORE MEANINGFUL WHEN FEELINGS GET TO BE SHOWN INTO ACTIONS (LIKE AN EMBRACE, HOLDING OF HANDS OR BY A KISS).
* LIKE WHAT I SAID IN MY PREVIOUS POSTS, THAT I HAVE THIS INTENSE FEELING THAT HE IS MY THE ONE AND SO I HAVE THE SAME SENTIMENTS AS HE HAS THAT I COULD NOT SEE MYSELF WITHOUT HIM NOW AND EVEN MY FUTURE
* YES, WE HAVE BEEN OFFICIALLY TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS NOW, BUT MOSTLY SPENT APART, I HAD THE SAME QUESTION MYSELF ON HOW DO WE REALLY KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER? DO I REALLY KNOW WHAT MAKES HIM TIC?WOULD HE BE ABLE TO HANDLE MY OCCASIONAL MOOD SWINGS..WE ARE NOT PERFECT AND WE BOTH HAVE OUR FLAWS, WE WILL BE DISCOVERING THAT ALONG THE WAY BUT THAT WILL ONLY TAKE PLACE WHEN WE GET TO SPEND A LONGER TIME TOGETHER.
*THOUGH WE HAVE TALKS ABOUT THE FUTURE TOGETHER, MOST OF IT ARE STILL VAGUE, MOST ARE STILL PENDING BECAUSE I STILL NEED TO FINISH TRAINING AND GARY NEEDS TO FIND WORK AT THE MOMENT, WELL IN SHORT WE NEED TO SETTLE THINGS ABOUT OURSELVES FIRST BEFORE WE MAKE THAT BIG LEAP AND I TRULY UNDERSTAND THAT BECAUSE IT DOES MAKE SENSE
*I STILL NEED TO MEET HIS FAMILY ESPECIALLY HIS DAD AND HIS FRIENDS. I FEEL INCOMPLETE WITHOUT MEETING THE PEOPLE THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO HIM.HE HAS TOLD ME THAT HIS DAD AND HIS FRIENDS SEEM TO APPROVE OF ME BUT I STILL WANT TO SEE THAT MYSELF.
*AS OF WHERE AND WHEN WE CAN BE TOGETHER, THOSE PLANS ARE STILL ON DISCUSSION TOO, BUT I AM HOPING THAT WHAT EVER DECISIONS WE MAKE OR WHO EVER GIVES UP A LIFE THAT IT WON'T BE REGRETABLE, THAT WE MAY FEEL THAT IT IS REALLY WORTH IT.
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH GARY THAT WHEN U GET TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON, YOU DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO MAKE IT WORK. I CAN SEE FROM HIM THAT HE IS DOING EVERYTHING HE COULD TO KEEP US AND AS I TOLD HIM, I AM WILLING TO WAIT AND EVEN MAKE SACRIFICES JUST BE WITH HIM. IT COULD BE ME MOVING THERE ADJUSTING TO THE COLD WEATHER, WHO KNOWS?
Whilst it would be great for you to come and live in England for a while, I think we would both be happier nearer your parents, I know I would as I could wear fewer clothes and going diving would be a lot simpler that it is here in the UK!!!
ReplyDeleteI love you and always will, looking forward to that day when all this is a moot point and we are together and sharing our lives properly.
My Dearest cousin-
ReplyDeleteI am going you tell you a story about how your Kuya Ron and I came to be where we are now. Understand that I am not here to tear apart your hopes and dreams. Or make your relationship less than mine. I only want to stroke the fire that is already within the hearts of both you and Gary.
I was 30 years old at the time; I was ending a bad relationship to concentrate on one that had more meaning. That was a relationship with myself. This person made me believe that his dreams were more important than mine. I was becoming bitter, angry and destructive. I was becoming a person that my family didn’t recognize. I basically lost myself.
I then met your Kuya Ron. The details of that first initial contact will be left for another time. There was loud music, half drunk person and a dance pole, but we can talk about that later. It was about 2 weeks into the New Year. My New Year’s Resolution was to swear off men. COMPLETELY!! As I said, I was ending a relationship (a divorce to be exact) and not interested in getting involved in a new one. (Sometimes, you have to watch what you wish for.)
Ron was everything that the other was not. Not just that one; my other relationship(s) paled in comparison to what Ron was offering.
1. He was passionate, as well as compassionate. About life. About family. About friends. About animals.
2. He would make me laugh.
3. He was understanding.
4. He would put my needs in front of his.
5. He would be the first to stand up and defend me from people who would want to attack me. Whether it was verbally, emotionally or physically.
6. He was a thinker and a innovator
7. He was interested in meeting my friends and family as he was in me meeting his.
8. He would concentrate on us than what on the TV or on the computer.
9. He was my cheerleader, when I need an extra push.
10. He would rock to classic rock-n-roll or oldies, then the next listen to classical music.
11. He was entertaining.
12. We would have long talks about anything and everything.
13. He lived his life not on expectations, but on hope.
14. He was patient. Which came in handy when I would have meltdowns during our first year together.
On my birthday that same year, he had found out that he was deploying to Iraq sometime in March/April timeframe. That was just a month away. We discussed marriage, but nothing definite. Especially, when my divorce would not be final until after he left for Iraq. After that, whenever we talked about our relationship and the path it was or hoping to lead to. It was spoken with the intentions of hopes and dreams.
We only knew each other for about 2 months by the time he left. Who knew how we would feel about each other after 12 to 15 months apart from each other? We corresponded by mail, phone calls, emails and through Yahoo messaging.
I could have easily walked away from him during that time apart. I was divorced. My job was taking off. I was working out and going out with friends to the club. For once in my life I was having fun. Yet, it was meaningless without Ron. He too, could have easily ended our relationship. He was in a war zone. His friends who were in the same boat of early romance did not endure as well as we had. He had some reservations about bringing me back into the military way of life. Not just as a dependant but as a spouse. Since being a spouse, especially during times of war, is not any easy task. Which I commend my Mother for the 21 years of service she endured as Dad did his duty.
We barely knew each other. We didn’t know what ticked each other off. We never had any arguments, so we didn’t know how the other would respond. We had in our own respective ways been independent for so long. With the situation he was in, we both didn’t know if he would make it home alive. Or come home in the same mind frame as it was before he left. As you know, war does things to people. Concerning what they see and experience, it can be traumatizing.
Yet, through it all we made it through over a year apart. How? With hopes and dreams. Which is very same thing that you and Gary have for each other and your future together. Also, it doesn’t matter who leaves one’s career or family to be with the other. Those are not sacrifices, but testimonials of one’s love for each other.
I know you miss waking up in the morning and seeing the love of your life next to you. I know you miss holding out your hand for the perfect match in his. I know you miss the soft and/or passionate kisses that awaken the most vibrant part of your soul. I know you miss the strong arms that would never let your fall. I know you miss sense of belonging and completion when one meets one’s soul mate. I know you want to scream from missing him so. But as long as you have hopes and dreams…..
Kuya Ron and I will be celebrating our 5th year Anniversary this July. We’ve been together over 6 years, but only been with each other about 4 of those years. In the next 8 years of his career, he will be gone through some of those. He will miss anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, his child’s defeats as well as victories and he will miss us.
However, with hopes and dreams…you will be together once more. During that time apart, you will grow. Not apart, but stronger because you compliment each other. You will continue to love with your hearts, your heads and with your whole being. You will tackle what comes before you to be together. Since your love for each other is stronger than the distance that’s between you both.
So, please don’t be discouraged. Just keep your hopes and dreams alive.
With the greatest love and affection,
Ate Che
Once you find that person who speaks to your heart, you find yourself in the highest level of heaven.
Wow!!
ReplyDeleteDear Cherryl, thank you for this. Kat flagged up that you had made a comment and it brought tears (of happiness I hope) to her eyes, I too had a similar reaction. Your story is both moving and encouraging, thank you for sharing with us and the world. I believe that Kat and I will find the joy in being together some time soon, and I really want you and Ron to be there to celebrate with us.
Best wishes
Gary